Growing up I always thought true love was red roses, dates on Saturday nights, little block box that held expensive things, and always knowing what to say. I thought true love was a kiss in the rain, deep explanations, and the perfect story. But now that I’m older I’ve realized it’s not like that at all.
See because true love for me is ugly snapchats, and peeing while you’re on the phone. True love is kissing at 6 AM despite the morning breath and singing at the top of your lungs. It’s saying all the wrong things, at all the wrong moments. It’s sarcasm and being honest even when it hurts. It’s late hours of the night when it’s been a long day and it’s no make up and bad hair. It’s tears from laughter, it’s tears from sadness and it’s nothing like any storybook you’ve ever read. It’s never running out of things to talk about, and it’s being comfortable in the silence of things. True love is watching The Titanic though you swore you never would. It’s getting mad over stupid things. It’s “you’re an idiot,” and “you’re a little shit” and knowing you’re so lucky to hear those every day. It’s spilling your feelings at 4 AM when you should be asleep. It’s that song you hear on the radio that always makes you smile. It’s the worst story you could imagine, but thank God it worked out anyways. True love is never losing the magic. True love is not leaving when things get hard.
I like my definition better anyways."
1. When a boy who leaves goosebumps on every inch of your skin tries to play you his favorite song, don’t let him. He’ll get it stuck in your head and under your fingertips and when he leaves, you won’t be able to listen to it without feeling like you’re choking.
2. Don’t let him touch you all over no matter how much you want to feel him against you. Leave a few spots untouched so that when you’re sleeping alone again, at least your left wrist and an inch of your right hip won’t sting with the remaining burn of his mouth.
3. Don’t let him break your ribs.
4. Don’t watch the sunset with him. He’ll poison it. You won’t be able to look at the sky without swallowing a mouthful of him.
5. Don’t mistake wasps for butterflies. Sometimes when you feel your stomach flutter and your hands start to shake it’s pain, not love.
6. Just because he tells you he loves you doesn’t mean he’s going to stay.
7. It’s okay to delete his number after he kisses the pretty girl he met when he was drunk. It’s okay to leave when he hurts you. You don’t have to keep falling into him.
8. When he tells you that you’re beautiful, try to remember that you were beautiful before him too.
9. Just because he reads and smokes cigarettes and talks about the stars doesn’t mean he’s your soulmate.
10. After you kiss him, remember to wash your mouth out right away so he doesn’t burn into your tongue.
11. He’ll kiss you in the rain and take you to little coffee shops. He’ll brush your hair out of your eyes and kiss your nose. He’ll grab your waist and whisper in your ear but six months later you’ll find yourself drunk texting him that you miss him and he won’t respond.
12. Your heart is going to break a million times. It’s going to feel like the world is falling apart around you. Your lungs will stop working some nights. You find yourself grabbing at your bones trying to hold yourself together. You’re going to feel like you’re dying. It’s going to be okay. You’ll find someone else to kiss you goodnight."
they say shit like “oh just go out and buy a plane ticket to
anywhere, go live life instead of worrying about him”
but who actually has the time or the cash for that
so instead i’ve opened the college-girl manual on
how to scrub a boy out from every strand of hair
he ran his fingers through, instead i’ve started figuring out
the little things to make him wash out like
dip-dying your hair with the leftover bleach
from your sister’s kit or maybe using red kool-aid for it
so when you stand in the shower you watch thin blood-colored streams
run down your curves or maybe you learn to give your phone
to a more responsible adult when you go out to get drunk
because you kind of turn into a needy little shit (you’re
starting to worry your friends are a million times done with it)
and you start learning how to force yourself into having fun
in little thing like spooning chocolate icing out of
the container even though it’s probably definitely not healthy
but it’s better than going crazy trying to get thin again for him,
you learn not to let yourself get too introverted on rainy days because
that shit is a slippery slope right down into spending four hours
on his facebook page,
you learn to take long walks when you need to think
because that way at least you get some exercise since let’s be real
you really just want to curl up in bed and stare at a wall until
the earth crumbles around your ears, you learn to dress
hot as hell just for yourself
because you’re bammin-slammin-bootylicious,
you learn to be cool with leggings as pants despite the fact
when you were fourteen and trying too hard to be ‘alternative’ you
totally used to rage about how they’re not actually,
you learn and you grow up and you cry about it some and then you
cry about it until it feels like you’re gonna drown and then you have
a couple of days of just absolute blankness where you
kind of don’t know if you’re okay and then you have a couple of days
of being a fucking rainbow like hell yeah and then maybe you see
two people kissing and you start crying all over again and it’s okay
because you learn to stretch out in the sun and to pet every animal
you come across even if it’s something you’re kind of scared of
and you learn and you learn and you learn and you kind of end up
becoming a whole different person and this will fuck with your head
for a little whenever you see him
because part of you will want to tell him
“i’m someone completely new now, i’ve buffed out some of my
flaws and i’m pretty fucking proud” but at the same time you
don’t want to go back to where you were so you’re in this weird “do
i actually talk to him” limbo - you learn that you still feel an odd kind
of queasy when you think about him and you really wanna puke when
you see him with her but you learn to take a deep breath
and not let it ruin your night and
to make out with random guys if you’re into that and
you learn to do your homework on time and you
learn the people you can study with so you can copy from them and
you relearn how to make friends
and you learn that you’re not the only one feeling broken and
you learn to be fine without him because eventually
some part of you remembers that you’ve had a whole life without him
and you were doing pretty good beforehand and
right now you might cry all day but you’re getting better and
you’re gonna be